Loneliness can be a truly overwhelming experience that leads to depression and even suicide in some cases, it can make someone feel worthless which lowers their self-esteem, this makes them feel unwanted which leads to them isolating yourself even more, this makes them feel even more lonely to the point where leaving the house is not even an option.
This unhelpful pattern turns into a habit and in no time the person will withdraw themselves from the world and become trapped in their own little reality. Withdrawing from the world is understandably especially when you feel lost and disconnected, although deciding to withdraw will only heighten these unpleasant feelings. It can be very easy to fall down into the depths of isolation and it doesn’t help that you feel like the only person in the universe experiencing it.
Spending time alone can be refreshing and beneficial although it comes down to balance, frequently staying in the house for 2 or 3 days or more without leaving is unhealthy and the person will feel hopeless. At this point anxiety levels are through the roof and everything is perceived as dangerous, the world is a scary place why would go outside and face all of it’s dangers? Stay in the house where safety is ensured and you will feel better! Of course it doesn’t work like that.
Selecting comfort over uncertainty can hurt someone by limiting their potential and thirst for new experiences, lonely people are terrified of everything so facing anything new is out of the question. Breaking out of it can be liberating although it takes a lot of time and dedication.
Humans are naturally social creatures, we gain energy and happiness from talking to and connecting with each other, if this connection is not found it will inevitably break the person. Loneliness is complex, the mind is complex and of course humans are very complex. Sometimes we don’t help ourselves and will knowingly make decisions that don’t help the situation, self destructive behaviour is linked to low self-esteem and depression. Why would you help someone you don’t like? It’s doesn’t make sense.
Someone in this state would deliberately cause themselves great pain and suffering simply because they don’t feel worthy of anything else, this is a tragic situation to be in.
Loneliness has a way of infecting every aspect of a person’s life, it’s weird. You can be in a crowded party of familiar faces, alone with a loved one or out with a group of friends and this feeling will still linger. It’s as if you are a camera observing your nearby environment, you can clearly see these people, the expressions they make, their body language, the clothes they are wearing and their shoes. Every little detail stands out, you can see their mouths moving and talking although you can’t actually hear what is coming out.
The brain is like a complicated computer that has many patterns and thought processes that have been developed over the course of a person’s lifetime, these apply to the decisions a person makes.
Making decision’s causes internal conflict, this conflict leads to overthinking, the more you think about something you create a multitude of reason’s not to it. This pattern is draining and unhelpful and it feels like your head is about to explode, you are in a constant battle with your own mind and often there’s no way of winning. You either push yourself and take the action which appears unbearable or you just sit there in your own misery feeling worse.
Being lonely is like living in a constant daze, time gets away from you, weeks fly by without a thought, food loses it’s taste and any sleep routines go out the window completely. You end up losing yourself as well, the person you once were, confidence levels are drained, talking becomes difficult and you feel like a leaf drifting away in the wind.
Ultimately it comes down to the individual to change although this is very hard, changing means taking action, taking action means leaving your comfort zone, leaving your comfort zone means confronting aspects of yourself that have been hidden away. Such as childhood traumas, an absent parent, bullying, the list is endless, a child’s brain is like a sponge that constantly absorbs new information some of this good and of course bad. The bad stuff can have a long-term damaging effect on the person.
Our childhood can subconsciously shape our teenage and adult life, someone was rejected as a child will feel the same way as a adult, of course it doesn’t have to be like this although if your depressed and hopeless why would fight to change this image of yourself? Depression paints the world grey, the depressed person is unable to see the beauty out there, colour has been drained from existence and replaced with a morphed darker version of reality.
Every person has a breaking point and it can take a while until this point is finally reached, it can go two ways. The person either decides to continue spiralling down this dark path building up even more resentment, bitterness and frustration or they can fight. Loneliness drains willpower, so fighting is hard.
Reaching breaking point can also mean finding a place of clarity, you get to the point where you acknowledge your unhappiness, years of sadness and emotions are released and this feels like having the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders. You feel emotionally drained and your body feel’s relaxed and tired. It can be difficult to describe although it is a wonderful feeling.
Acceptance is the first place to start for overcoming loneliness, accepting the fact you don’t like yourself and you want to change. By focusing on yourself, letting go of self judgement and negative self talk will begin setting a person on the right path. On TV and in social media there is constant information telling someone how they should have a big group of friends, dress a certain way and fit in. This is bullshit and it makes the person feel like they are never enough on your own, this is where depression comes from because you always feel like you have to live up to something your not.
I’ve learnt that by accepting yourself, it comes becomes easier to accept everything else around you. By realising that loneliness is a common thing and you are not a loser for feeling lonely, it gives you the clarity to move forward and live a more fulfilling life. The colour returns to the world, everything seems a little brighter and you start to appreciate good food and sleep. Nothing in life ever moves in a constant upward or downward trajectory so there is always difficultly and adversity ahead, the only difference is this time you have the tools to overcome it.